Inexplicable

Mothers Lounge, a company catering to new mothers, has conceived some awkward conversations for women on the receiving end of a recent marketing campaign. The company sent out maternity congratulations cards signed by "Jenny B" that included gift cards and coupons for products attractive to pregnant women. The problem is, as the BBC reported, many of the recipients aren't pregnant. A woman in Memphis, Tennessee, tweeted: "Who the hell is Jenny B and why did she send me $245 in gift cards to my childhood home congratulating me on my pregnancy?! This is literally how my mother thought she was finding out that I was pregnant. I'm calling the FBI." Another woman's mother was "immediately so excited and freaked out ... I had to quickly tell her I am not in fact pregnant." Mothers Lounge spokesman Scott Anderson explained that a third-party marketing company provided the mailing list. Sounds like a false-positive to us.

Putting Off the Inevitable

Convicted bank robber and career criminal Michael Jauernik, 71, received a sentence of more than 12 years in prison in Germany on Oct. 7, but managed to stall his incarceration by delivering a five-day-long closing statement that included anecdotes about his career in crime and details about his fitness routine. Twenty hours into the soliloquy, the judge finally cut him off, saying she wished she had done so earlier in light of his “excessive digressions,” The Guardian reported. Jauernik, who wore sunglasses throughout his trial, told the court, “I am more intelligent and clever than any employee of the criminal police agency, that much is sure.”

Awwwwwww

Faith the one-legged mallard duck, of Gardner, Maine, will soon have more than one leg to stand on, thanks to Loni Hamner. Faith lost her leg in a fox attack last year but has been making do, Hamner told the Bangor Daily News: "She has taught herself how to stand and balance on that one leg,

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